On Pregnancy at 40

So by now you know I’m all preggers and we’re expecting a baby girl in April. That puts me at 29 weeks “gone” today and I have to say this has been a fantastic experience.  I feel absolutely fabulous!  Yes, I’m a bit uncomfortable at times and I’ve bulked out and not in the muscular way gymaniacs go for. I’ve experienced the achy back, finger welling, heartburn, sleeplessness and the occasional crankiness that comes with the territory of growing a baby, but the rewards have been amazing. 

I’m so excited to have been given the chance to start a new life.  Derek gets to be a Daddy for the first time and I know he’ll be the BEST. He’s already a great step-dad.  Nigel will get to experience being the big brother instead of the baby of the family and I know he’ll be a hero in his little sister’s eyes.  Jacob gets to participate on a level his 17 year old self doesn’t really care about or appreciate right now, but maybe, just maybe he’ll think about his actions and not end up a teenage daddy himself.  There’s nothing like a squalling infant to make a teenager think, right?

At 6 & ½ months our little girl is a real presence already.  We can all feel her move, kick, squirm and hiccup.  She tells us what she wants for dinner (through Mommy, of course… she loves pad thai and ice cream!)  We have great pictures from the 3-D ultrasound that give us a real chance to visualize how she looks.  We can tell she has her daddy’s hairline!  And hair…hence the heartburn I’ve been experiencing if the old wives tales are true. 

This pregnancy has been the easiest of my three…no morning sickness, no anxiety or fear, no edema, no crying jags, good energy, a wonderfully supportive husband, family and friends…hell, I can’t even go the grocery store and unload my own cart.  Even total strangers have been super nice to me.  People I barely knew have gone out of their way to reach out to me and give me super useful things like maternity clothes and baby equipment FOR FREE.  I am completely overwhelmed by the kindness I’ve received and plan to pay it forward when I get the chance.

Just 2 & ½ months left, 11 weeks or so if the due date is right, and we’ve painted the nursery PINK, of course.  We’ll be putting the crib together this weekend and getting everything set up, registering for baby party gifts (no cake and mint SHOWERS thank you, this is my 3^rd child after all, but we will celebrate with friends and family… beer and wine WILL be served even if I don’t partake!)  We can do what we want, how we want…that’s one of the nice things about having a baby later in life….we really don’t care what we’re “supposed to do”.  It’s liberating! We’re almost there, entering the home stretch and have nothing but good thoughts, eager anticipation and happiness in our hearts ready to welcome her into the world.

I sure can’t wait for little miss Kensley to get here and to introduce her to all the family and friends who are eagerly awaiting her arrival.  We’ll see you soon, sweetie!

 

Katie's Top 10 Books of 2011

Since all these publishers have come out with their “BEST OF THIS YEAR’S READING” lists and I have been offended by their shameless self-promotion of their own books, I decided to review my reading list from 2011 and share MY favorites with YOU! Granted I’m no publisher, but I am opinionated, especially on the subject of “favorite books”, and also I’m not good about just picking books that came out this year.  Who cares when the books came out if I never read them before and they are awesome good, right? I figure I can pretty much do what I want since I’m not getting paid for it.

Here goes (in no particular order, I might add):

1. Sleeping Murder by Agatha Christie.  I have recently discovered the great Agatha Christie’s mystery novels. They are short and sweet and rock on. I still want to roll the r’s like a Scottsman in “murrrrrdeerrrr.”  I can’t quit, they are addictive!!

2. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin.  I got hooked on the HBO series, and then I totally got sucked in to this written series, and boy was it a time commitment, but who cares…the books are totally awesome great stories and I really enjoyed comparing the different ethnic groups/peoples to the ancient Asians and Europeans I learned about in my Western Civ class.   My favorite character is Arya.  She is one cool little chick.  Does anyone else think Mongols = Dothraki?

3. I, Claudius by Robert Graves.   This was a wickedly awesome look at Ancient Rome.  I loved the satirical attitude of the narrator and learned a lot about Roman civilization.  I was totally there, in the story, and could smell the smells and taste the foods (and of course the wine…)

4. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.   YA Lit?  Yeah, I loved it.  The story captured me from the get go and I was pissed that I bought the first volume in soft cover and then had to go and buy the rest in hard back because I couldn’t wait to find out what happened next.  I’m looking forward to the movie and hope to God they don’t blow it.

5. Little Bee by Chris Cleve.  OMG! This novel has some hard situations and it made me cry, cry, cry. Little Bee overcame extreme odds, and her voice and the language used in this book were absolutely beautiful.  I listened on audio book, and the book actress who performed it was OUTSTANDING. 

6.  Dark Lover by J.R. Ward.  Naughty, naughty, naughty…but I loved it.  Oh Wrath, where are you now???? (Thanks, Danice for turning me, ugh, um, ohhh... "on to it.")

7. The Magicians by Lev Grossman.  I hate saying this, but it’s the best way I can describe this story…. The Magicians is like Harry Pottery’s older, meaner, more serious older cousin.  There’s a magic school (college), and the characters are actually flawed and realistic (not like Harry and the gang who seem all goody-goody and squeaky clean. I mean, there’s no sex there at all for heaven’s sake…)  Some of the characters aren’t even likeable, but the magic is fantastic and I enjoyed the story very much.  I’m up for reading the Magician King soon, Grossman’s recently published sequel. It’s on my “to read” list.

8. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman.  Wow. Just Wow.  This book is like a really dark Alice in Wonderland.  I loved it. I can’t wait to read more of Gaiman’s stuff. American Gods is on my list.

9. Cleopatra by Stacy Shiff.  This is the only non-fiction book in my Top 10 and it was an awesome biography.  I wish someone would do an historically factual fiction movie acting all this out.  It would rock on. Cleopatra was an amazing character and I totally loved learning more about her. Get Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleo outta my head, will ya??

10. The Last Werewolf by Glenn Duncan.  I know, I only gave this book 3 stars on my list, but I just can’t seem to get it out of my head, so here it is on my Top 10 list for just that reason.  I still think about it and that guy’s voice who performed the audio book…he must have been HOT!!

So, there you go. Katie’s Top 10 of the books I read in 2011.  Go read the ones that interest you and let me know what you think.  Send me some of your favorite book recommendations and I’ll add them to next year’s reading list.   Maybe you’re recommendation will make the Top 10 for 2012…if so, I’ll share the credit with you.  ( I know, smashing, right???)

I'm not just getting fat....

So being knocked up at 40 is a bit intimidating.  We had hoped it would happen a couple years ago because 37 or 38 seems a lot younger than 40, but there it is.  It didn’t happen then and I really had gotten used to the thought that it wouldn’t.  I was sort of planning a ski trip this winter (well, they can ski, I’d shop, sightsee and drink hot cocoa), and toying with a scuba diving excursion this fall or early spring.  Those plans have gone right out the window, right along with our sanity. 

My boys are 16 and 12 respectively, and that’s a long time in between siblings, not to mention a long time since I changed a diaper, had to get up every couple of hours to nurse a baby, deal with bottles, diaper bags, teething rings, belly gas, spit up, stepping on toys and all that jazz.  Derek’s never done it, so we’re both in for a bit of a shocker.  The kids’ reactions were priceless.  I got a, “holy shit, mom….oh, uh, sorry…wow” from my 12 year old, Nigel, followed by an incoherent “uhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhh, hmmmmmmmm, uh, that’s great, Mom” from my 16 year old son, Jacob.  Nigel then told me he would teach him how to skateboard “really good.”  When pointed out his brother might actually be a sister, he said he’d teach her anyway and he was happy about it.  He was all grins as he was sheepishly and tenderly handling the ultrasound pictures.

The ultrasound we had on Tuesday really made this pregnancy real for us.  A picture is worth a thousand words, especially a moving picture showing a strong heartbeat, arms and legs and hands and feet, tiny little eyes and a great big head.  An ultrasound really is a miracle of science.  I kind of half believed this was true until I saw that little baby in making with my own two eyes.  It’s still amazing at 40. I’m glad I’m not that jaded, yet.

Everything is looking great. So far, so good!  I’m 13 weeks along and Baby Conrad, whom we have dubbed “the pickle”, will make his or her appearance sometime around April 6, 2012. I haven’t had any morning sickness; only some slight 4pm nausea, and I’m tired and draggy, but otherwise I feel fine.  I miss wine and sushi. My Weight Watchers/dieting is on hold for now, so don't think I'm just getting fat. I'm getting fat for a reason!

   

   

The homebuyer’s dilemma…. Do you listen to your heart or your head?

No doubt you have read Thomas Jefferson’s “Dialogue Between My Head and My Heart.”  If not, I highly recommend it to you.  The battle between my heart and my head is constantly waging. I am always torn between what I want with my heart and what I think I should want with my brain. They almost never agree! Why is that? Am I the only one who feels this constant conflict?

While Jefferson’s essay doesn’t address house hunting directly, the conflicts between practicality and emotion certainly come into play when searching for the perfect home for your family.  Derek and I are in the homebuyer’s market after struggling for so long to sell our house. We have decided to scrap selling and focus on renting it. The rental company swears they have renters beating down the doors for houses like ours.  I sure hope they are. Bring on the tenants!

Before we began our home search, we made a list of all the things we must have in a new home, like the number of bedrooms and bathrooms, a choice of good school districts, an active community with plenty children in it,  room for a home office, and a back door our tripod dog can get in and out of.  We also listed the things we would like (and not like), like a master bedroom on the main floor, no popcorn ceilings, a spot on a cul-de-sac, 9 foot ceilings, a fenced back yard and those sorts of things.  Not surprisingly, when we put our “must have” criteria along side our “sure would like” criteria, we came up with “your search returned no results.”  Thence the compromises began. The “what-if”s and “how can we make this work”s began.

You’d think that by carefully weighing the pros and cons, calculating the costs, measuring rooms and door frames and carefully analyzing our lifestyle to determine the best type of home to seek when house hunting, we should come out on the finishing end as happy and financially savvy homeowners.  But what happens when you fall in love at first sight with a house that doesn’t meet all the checklist critera?  Do you throw all that calculating and planning to the wind and go with your heart?  Isn’t the feel of a home so much more than the practicality of the floor plan? Is it possible to strike a balance or create a win/win between your heart and your mind in terms of the perfect home for your family?

Out of 20 something houses I’ve looked at in the past couple of days, we have 3 possibilities.  The most practical house, house #1, has everything we “need” and the price is right. The number of bedrooms is right. The floor plan fits how we live. The back yard is fenced and flat and there are no real steps.  It’s on the end of a cul-de sac next to some tennis courts.  Sure the master bedroom is upstairs, but we’re only 40. It’s not like we can’t climb steps to go to bed or change clothes. I mean really, we need the exercise!  But you know what, I don’t love it.  It’s blah. It’s cookie cutter and doesn’t feel like my home. It’s vanilla. It’s like 40 other houses out there. It just doesn’t have a personality of its own.

The 2^nd house is in a great established neighborhood, but it’s older. It’s a saltbox with a more traditional type floor plan. But guess what?  The cabinets are real wood. There’s a real wood burning fireplace. There are built in book-cases and a nice, big pretty multi-paned window looking over the back yard.  It has some nice updates like granite countertops and fresh paint. It has the spaces we need to live, but they aren’t configured optimally. The yard can be fenced and the 3-legged dog can manage going in and out. The price is still in range and the schools are the same as house #1.  My heart likes #2 much better than #1, but it just wants to “be friends.”  My heart is not in love.    

Ahh, house #3, how do I love thee? Let me compare thee to a treehouse in the woods. Though art beautiful and spacious and you have walls of glass. You have stunning wood floors, your kitchen is a dream with all the pretty and numerous cabinets. You even have a vintage lit and mirrored liquor cabinet hidden behind your doors. You have a fireplace in the dining area and a deck under the trees.  Derek’s office is surrounded by three walls of glass, right next to the kitchen.  Our custom farm table will grace your dining room awesomely. How beautiful will fall be when the leaves turn colors, what if it snows! The views from every room are stunning and homey. House #3, you have inspired me to poetry.

But wait, says the brain….House #3, you are missing a bedroom, you don’t have an attached garage and momma will need to carry her groceries in the rain. You cost about 30% higher than our budget planned for. Your master bathroom is a torn up mess with shower tiles falling off the walls and reeking of mildew.   There’s rot in the eaves and your yard is a wild jungle. If that creek along the back rises, you could get flood damage. What about snakes? What about the power bill with walls of glass. Won’t it be cold in the winter?  How much IS that gas bill in the winter?  Can’t people see you from outside in your house of glass? How would you make it to the dryer in the basement for fresh undies if you jump out of the shower and there are none in your drawers. Think girl! That house is not for you!!

So why do I feel so disappointed right now?  I’m conflicted and I know, I know, I know with my brain that house #3 is not for us. Why don’t I want to jump all over house #1? It’s perfect on paper! Why can’t my heart fall in love with it, too? It would make this all so much easier.

I am not a racist!

I am not a racist!  I know by making that statement I’ve opened myself up to scrutiny. You know, that old “thou dost protest too much” adage?  However, I can honestly say the color of your skin, the wave of your hair, the religion you practice and the language you speak has absolutely nothing to do with the way I think of you.  My assumptions and opinions of the people I interact with have everything to do with their facial expressions,  body language, hygiene, dress, tone of voice, appropriateness of  their interactions with me and so many other indicators I can’t possible list them all here.  You know what I mean, and you probably have a list the things you notice about someone before you even notice whether they are black, indian, mexican or martian.

In the last two weeks, I have personally been accosted by two black men at two different gas stations on two separate occasions.  I was by myself both times, and they both made me VERY uncomfortable.  I was looking around for a HERO, I can tell you that much.  Where the hell is Spidey when you need him? 

The first man was a little, scrawny, dirty man that appeared to work at the Exxon station near my house.  He was sweeping up litter with a red broom and long handled dust pan. He nodded at me as I pulled in. I nodded back politely at him. When I went in to pay (you know, I’m doing that cash-only-envelope-budget thingy, remember) and came back out to pump, he was on the far side of my car and he said something I did not understand.  I again nodded politely and went on with my gas pumping business.  Then he’s coming toward me. I opened my car door as a barrier, and he leaned in and said in his best sexy voice, “You wanna call me baby?”  I’m sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but recovered and said in my best bitch voice, “Move away from me!” while shooing my hands at him.  He backed off meekly and said, “Oh, sorry…,” but kept giving me furtive glances over his shoulder like I might change my mind.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!  I think I caught a wheelie as I was leaving.  I could probably have kicked his ass, but I don’t want to have to put my kung-fu to the test.  I might mess up my hair or something.

The second man was a big, fat, ugly dirty man that pulled into the Sunoco station on Asheville Highway as I was pumping my gas.  All the other pumps were empty, but he pulled his crappy, old model pick-up truck with no air-conditioning right up behind where I was pumping gas.  He tried making eye contact with me. I turned my back to him and continued pumping.  He walked up behind me and said, “I wanna tell you, you look awful cool in them there shades you got on.  What’s your name there pretty lady?”  He came even closer trying to see my name on the nametag I wear during events and registration times at work.  I covered my nametag with my hand and said tremulously, “Back away from me”.  He scared me so bad, I’m sure it came out like a mewling kitten or something.  I held up my hand in the “Stop, in the Name of Love” fashion, and again said forcefully, “Get Back!”  There, that was better.  He backed up (YAY!!) started walking toward the station, yelling as he went, “That’s a racist thing. You a racist! You want little black children to learn to be racist?”  What I wanted to scream back at him was, “You nasty, dirty, stinky pig man! What did you think walking up to a woman all alone and hitting on her at a GAS STATION? Did you think I’d swoon? Agree to a date?  You’re ugly! You stink! You have a nasty, dirty truck and you LEER at me?   How dare you!  I don’t care if you’re purple, you scare me.  Now BACK OFF!!”

What I did was disconnect the pump and get the hell out of there before he came back out.  I nearly ran over some old lady who was milling about.  I didn’t even go back in for my $1.50 in change.  What the hell is up with people lately?  Why me?  Don’t men know they will never be successful in picking up a woman at a gas station!  And, I don’t dislike you because you’re black! It’s the way you act that makes all the difference!  Now back off, before I get out my Karate Kid whooping crane kicking stance! I can do it in heels, too!

Happy Birthday to Me!!

I remember when my mother turned 40. I thought she was old, ancient, had no mojo and was never gonna be cool ever again.  She cut her hair short, covered up the greys with an awful dark dye job and got a perm!  Heaven forbid!!

Now it’s my turn! I reached the big 4-0 milestone yesterday, and I gotta tell you, I feel pretty darn good!  I’m not old or ancient, and apparently I still have my mojo. Derek ain’t complainin’ ya'll!  I still think I’m pretty cool, even if my kids think I know nothing and doubt my coolness. I can still impress them.  My hair turned curly on its own, but I’m learning to go with it, embrace the curl and work with what Mother Nature has given me.

Weight Watchers has proved to be AWESOME! I feel fantastic even though I’ve only lost 4.5 pounds. I feel lighter, freer and more energetic already. I’m totally into it. Just wait, pretty soon I’ll have memorized the point values for just about everything I choose to ingest. Food is fuel!  I plan to reach my first goal in the next few weeks.  I’m feeling pumped up enough about it to expand into the real exercise arena. Maybe Jazzercise or Zumba at home?  I’m checking out E-Bay as we speak to score someone else’s cast off DVD collection.

Turning 40 for me is definitely not the same as turning 40 was for my mother’s generation.  Her path was set, the die was cast, she knew she was pretty much gonna be doing the same thing every day for the duration.  Me, I’m still trailblazing! I have a good job, but I might just change if something better comes along.  I’m pursing that bachelor’s degree I always wanted. This semester, it’s Spanish 101!  I’m making new friends and keeping the oldies & goodies.  I’m learning new things, and re-discovering old hobbies I forgot I knew.  I’m finding new books I’m interested to read and adding them to my ever-growing reading list.  This game ain’t over, folks!

People keep telling me that 40 is the new 30!  I think there just might be some truth to that! This is way better than 30, though, because I really know who I am and what I want. I feel empowered and like there’s so much more for me to learn, experience, enjoy and accomplish!  Here’s to 40! And nary a butch cut, kinky perm nor a bad dye job in sight!

“At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Hungry, yet?

I have successfully completed two whole days of Weight Watchers, and I haven’t killed anyone, yet.  I also haven’t lost any pounds. I’m ravenously hungry, grumpy, irritable and short-tempered.  I know - with my brain - that losing weight is going to be good for me, will make me feel better in the long run, and hopefully counter-act some health issues that have recently reared their ugly heads.  My heart, on the other hand, which is directly connected to my tummy, is dissatisfied, sad and depressed. And did I mention I’m hungry?

I can see that the WW point system has great potential. It’s exactly like the strict budgeting which I’ve also introduced to my checking account in the last month. (So far so good!) When the points (dollars) are gone, they’re gone. No borrowing against future points, no credit cards to tide you over ‘til next payday.  I can exercise/work overtime to earn extra points if I’m feeling the need to splurge. God, I’m starving!!

How do skinny people do it? How do rich people do it? I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. It’s all consuming (no pun intended), and distracting and so absurd that I’ve become a slave to my rumbling guts and jingling change purse.  It’s like the old cartoons where the hungry person/dog/lion sees nothing but chicken legs and cheese wedges when he looks at other characters. It’s like the pauper who stares into the shop windows – coveting – drooling… knowing that he can never have his heart’s desire.

This leads me to ask, once I reach my weight loss/debt free goals, will it truly have made me healthier, stronger and happier?  Is this misery worth it? Am I battling the many headed hydra, whose chopped-off heads will grow back three fold?  In other words, am I just making matters worse by trying so hard to make them better? 

Wish me luck, strong will-power, and a points free Reece's Cup real soon.  I'll let you know when I finally zip the back of that little black dress!

Things that make me say @!%)03$1!**@#!

Ok, so I am cussing an awful lot today. I’m really a big, sweet, cuddly teddy bear most days, so why is it that everything is pissing me off right now?? Is it me, or is it them?

As part of my job I have to do a good bit of event planning. I develop the invitation list, create the invitations, mail them out, record the RSVP message on the voice mail, reserve the venue, plan the menu, keep a headcount, firm up the quantity of food with the caterer, do the powerpoint presentation as well as get all the internal people there that need to be there.  It’s a stressful undertaking, because I care about my job and like every party-planner throughout the history of time, I worry about whether anyone will show up, or that gobs of people wills show up and we won’t have enough food. 

The operative word here is RSVP which is plainly printed in black and white on the cute little invitation I mailed out three weeks in advance of the event.  How is it then, when I send out 60 invitations asking for a response of “Yes, I’l be there,” or “F*^%-Off, no I won’t,” I get nothing but crickets chirping?  What have I got to do then?? I call every freaking one of these rude-a$$ people on the phone and ask in my sweetest voice, “Are you coming?”  It’s very irritating and frustrating, especially when I very nicely asked for them to just let me know. I even gave them my e-mail address in case they didn’t want to exercise their dialing skills or voice boxes. This is not rocket-science, people!

And another thing, I have a massive schedule to keep track of. My boss is one he!! of a busy lady, and her calendar is a huge puzzle that changes all the time.  Why then, crazy colleague, would you call or email me and ask for 15 times in the next month she’s available?  By the time I’ve identified them all, they’ve all changed! I can’t reserve all the times she’s available in the next month just for you! And I wouldn’t even if I could.  Any half-wit can learn to use Outlook’s scheduling function. It’s integrated right into your calendar and even if you don’t have view permissions to see my boss’s calendar, you can still plan a meeting because you can see when she’s available. Then invite her along with all the other people whose calendars are in Outlook. I’ll accept on her behalf and Viola’, you’ve just scheduled a meeting!  Don’t whine and tell me “I don’t know how”, or my personal favorite “nobody trained me how to do that.” Take some initiative! Ask someone! Figure it out! Sheez!

And another thing, it’s hotter than HE!! outside, like 101 degrees and 97% humidity. Why is it that we have to wear clothes to work? Why can’t we come naked or barely clothed? Why can’t we wear flip-flops, shorts, tube tops or spaghetti straps? I’m so hot from my lunch hour run that my bra is wet and sweat is trickling between my boobs.  Reckon being hot has anything to do with my ill temper??

Somebody pass me a popsicle!  Get out from in from of the fan so it can blow on me!  Sheez!

If I were INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, I would….

There is nothing like a few vacation days off from work to make you appreciate the value of free time.  I love, love, love time off from work.  A home stay-cation over the 4^th of July is just what I needed. The slower pace, the relaxation, fun with friends and family,  reconnection with Derek, Nigel & Jacob, home-cooked meals; they are all a little slice of heaven. I sure do miss being home now that I’m back at work.  My stay-cation makes me realize that I just don’t like working. Having to get up at the crack of dawn, shower, fix my hair, get all dressed, drive to work, work, drive home and then fit all the good stuff in about 3 hours of the day before bedtime just isn’t enough for me.  I want more. I want to become independently wealthy like all those home investors on the Carlton Sheets infomercial.  And I only want to do what I WANT TO DO!

There are a few ways to go about this. I could hit the lottery jackpot, join Carlton Sheets for $199.95 and make my fortune in the real estate market (RIIIGGGHHTT…), slip and fall at Wal-Mart and sue for a bazillion bucks, rob a bank, invent something super-duper fabulous that nobody ever thought of before….I could go on and on with the hair-brained schemes, but in reality not one of them is fool-proof (or if it is, it’s not legal). Dang it, I was really having fun planning the next big Ponze Scheme.

If I were RICH (i.e. don’t have to worry a bit over money. Like, have so much I could never spend it all…) I would do the following:

1. PROTECT AND INVEST. Gotta make sure the future generations will all be fabulously, independently wealthy, too.

2. THE BOOK STORE. Open a coffee house/wine store/used & new book store and spend my days happily sipping joe (a.m.) or wine (p.m.) and discussing the merits of both along with my favorite read of the week with all my friends, clients and customers who come visit my awesome-fabulous-bookstore. I’d have book club discussions every day, great writers would come visit, speak and sign their books, we’d be the “IT” place for the ladies (and gentlemen) to meet and have a glass or two of wine with friends, clients would get great book recommendations, not pay exorbitant prices for books (i.e. cheap), and I’d be the super-star. Of course, I’d hire somebody to do all the work, but that would be my special place and I just know I’d love it. My hours: 10-2 and 7-10 daily, except when the husband’s and kids’ schedules conflict with sports and other fun stuff.  I can totally smell the coffee & cookies (and old leather bindings) right now.

3. DIVING. When I’m not at the bookstore, I’d be spending time with my husband and kids in fabulous locales around the world, pursing the perfect scuba-diving location.  I’d study coral, fishes and sea creatures and be an ocean environmental activist (I use that term loosely, as I’m not really the ACTIVIST TYPE, but would promote and financially support research and conservation efforts to preserve and protect the ocean.)

4. CHARITY WORK. My charities would be the Humane Society or other animal protection group, the American Cancer Society or other health research groups, and something like Habitat for Humanity to help under-privileged people live better lives. I’d be a foster mother for stray dogs/puppies and probably have a whole pack of dogs that I couldn’t part with.  Of course, they’d all be perfectly well behaved and groomed at all times.  And like cats (not to eat, but to play with). And like kids. And not bark at everything.

5. PAMPER MYSELF. Well, really – who wouldn’t?  I want a personal trainer to whip me into shape, someone to plan and shop for meals, (I’ll do the cooking, I like that part), clean my house, mow my yard, make pretty flowers grow, and give me a pedicure once a week. I know…I want an “Alice” like on the Brady Bunch. Plus a yard man/pool boy/gardener who knows how to grow good veggies.  He should be like the Dog Whisperer only better looking.

Hey, this is my fantasy. Don’t judge me too much on my self-absorbed dreams. I realize this isn’t going to pan out, but I am buying a lottery ticket for tonight. When I win, y’all know exactly where to find me. J 

I'm an ESFP. What are you?

If you know me at all, you already know that I LOVE personality tests, horoscopes, ESP, fortune-tellers, psychics and fortune cookies – anything that will give me insight into the who, what, how, why and when of my past, present and future existence, and the way that those around me think, feel and react. I’m really into it!  If I ever write a book, it might just have something to do with this fascinating subject.  (Totally in a fictional fantasy sort of genre, if you care to know.)

How are personality tests and psychic fortune-tellers related, you ask?  It's ok, normal people probably wouldn’t see the relationship.  In my view, they both use the MAGIC of perception, careful analysis of the ways people react and the knowledge personality tests have established to reveal their secrets.  If you’re good at it, you really can see the future.

Anyway, I recently learned how I can use that information to communicate and interact better with the people around me, like my husband, my kids, my boss, my friends, my “frenemies” (well, if I had any…) It’s AMAZING and IT WORKS.

The proof is in the pudding!! I got a just got a raise (not a big one, but it IS one!) and it’s in large part to my wonderful fabulousness, but also to the fact that I did a bullet list of all my accomplishments (like 2 or 3 words each) over the past year and shared them during a short, purposely pre-scheduled, mid-year evaluation meeting with my boss who is a DIRECTOR personality.  She was totally WOW’ed at all I had done, could hold it in her hand, skim it quickly and she agreed that I deserved performance increase - especially because I included the DETAIL that my last pay increase (as a STATE EMPLOYEE) was in October, 2008.  Gawd, that’s awful! Dumb, crappy economy L

This was a perfect example of The Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.  This phrase was coined by Tony Allesandra.  The skinny is that there are 4 Human Behavior Styles based on this grid:

I want to know what YOUR personality type is! Post a comment or email me and I'll send you the test and scoresheet.  In case you didn’t guess, I’m a SOCIALIZER.  I KNOW!!! It so fits, right???

Another one of my favorite personality tests is the Briggs-Myers personality test (based on Carl Jung’s theories) of personality types. [NOT to be confused with Braxton-Hicks contractions which are pre-labor pains…] There are four basic types there too, but then they are subdivided even more.  They are Guardian, Artisan, Idealist, and Rational.  Check it out here: http://keirsey.com/

I’m an ESFP or Artisan PERFORMER. What’s cool about that is ITS RIGHT! I am! “Look at me!” “Read my BLOG!!”  I’m an optimist, cheerful and like to have FUN J The downside to my Socializer/Artisan Performer personality is that I’m really bad with follow-through (i.e. procrastination) and don’t always think though all the consequences of my actions.  Like, I really wanted that muffin and vanilla latte this morning because I was hungry and it sounded really good, but dammit, I ate my paycheck again this month and really need to be dieting.  BAD KATIE, BAD BAD!!

One of the best things you learn when you study personality tests is why those relationships you had that failed, failed! For example, my ex-husband’s personality type is either a complete “contrast” to mine, or an actual “anima” which means we won’t get along at all in the long term. It might seem cool or mysterious at the beginning because it's really different, but you can't have a good, lasting relationship with someone you drive completely nuts, or who drives you completely nuts. It’s really a wonder we actually got married at all. (sic. That “consequences” of actions thing probably is to blame, that and I'M IRRESISTABLE.)

I've made an educated guess that eHarmony uses the personality test system to match people up. When I did my "profile", I answered a bunch of questions about what I like and don't like, how I make decisions, what my personal preferences are, etc. You know what? They matched me with Derek. He's my soul-mate. The rest is history.  We have totally compatible personalities. We get each other. We complement and support each other. His weaknesses are my strengths and vice-versa.  We both like socializing and fun.  Add to all that, I’m a Leo (Aug 7) who is compatible with Gemini (June 2), and I’ve totally got it made with Derek all the way around.

Leo and Gemini love compatibility:
An affectionate pair who really enjoy each other. While Leo loves with his/her heart first, Gemini loves with his/her mind. Gemini seem to be romantic enough for Leo. The Gemini's stability will not be fluctuated by the moody Leo. Leo's self-confidence blinks at Gemini's flirtations with others. Gemini's penchant for ridicule can annoy regal Leo, though, and Leo will probably demand more adoration than Gemini is willing to give. It can be a problem but they have so much fun together that don't tend to pay attention to such small problems. Both Leo and Gemini have strong desire to have a passionate, emotional life. Sexually, Leo loves whole-heartly and Geminis variable desires are a complete mystery to him/her. Leo is quite capable of warm-heartly breaking down any resentments that Gemini may harbor from the daytime thereby easing the tension in the bedroom. It will be an acceptable connection and, surely, safe marriage in the future.

My horoscope indicates that ya’ll might not jump on the personality test bandwagon, but I hope you do!  I'm paying attention!

LEO Wednesday, June 29, 2011

You may feel extra dreamy today, Leo. Your moods may fluctuate. It may be hard to get other people to share your boisterous good humor. Trying to get people to jump on your bandwagon of excitement may be difficult. Perhaps there's something going on with them and their emotions that you simply aren't noticing. Pay attention.

Life IS good!

Success is sweet and having a break finally come our way is like having candy, cake and cookies all at the same time - or an ice cream sundae with all the toppings and a little nut crunch. 

Since Derek and I were married a little over two years ago, we’ve had what I would call “more than our fair share of trials.” From my issues with child custody and a$$hole ex-husband, to Derek’s job moving to Denver where we couldn’t follow it, to trying to sell houses (his and mine) in this shitty depressed economy, to Derek working all week out of town and still with an hour and a half commute each way at a job he despised, to the accidental death of our dog, Sammie, last November.  We’ve weathered the storm pretty well, I’d like to think, and with this good news, I feel the tide finally turning in our favor. Knock on wood!

It hasn’t all been bad-far from it, in fact. But the struggles, setbacks and disappointments have hung over us like a big, fat albatross and I’ve just continuously waited for the next shoe to drop.  There is a huge pile of them (all ugly) and I sure hope they are done falling now.  A tremendous weight has been lifted and my outlook on the future is refreshed and re-energized.

We enjoyed a fantastic family dinner out tonight at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate. Both of my boys were with us, and we were all frolicsome and happy and have great big, full bellies.  Derek’s new job starts Monday and he’ll be home with us a lot more. While the #2 Big Item – the house – hasn’t sold yet, we don’t feel quite the same sense of displacement and uncertainty about the future. The urgency has dissipated. Poof! What a relief!   

The honeymoon ain’t over, yet, folks. We’ve got a lot more good stuff to look forward to. The next bright spot is right around the bend and I’m sure looking forward to it. 

What’s a fifteen letter word for a thing that ruins your life?

P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N

Bad habits are hard to break.  I’ve got a bunch of them and they are seriously annoying the shit out of me. Rather, I’m extremely annoyed with myself. (I must take ownership!)  Admitting the problem is the first step to recovery, right?

Bad Habit #1.  I’ll do it later….Procrastinating wreaks all kinds of havoc in my life, but it did help get the closets cleaned out.  On Saturday, I had all kinds of time to study for World History.  I knew the test was this week and that test covers three whole chapters on the Byzantine Empire, the Islamic World and Saharan Africa.  That’s A LOT of material.  What did I do??  I cleaned out three closets.  I worked on my husband’s project with him. We went out and ran errands together. What should I have been doing with at least part of that time??  STUDYING!  Now the test deadline is tomorrow, I have no idea what it’s about and I have about 24 hours to cram it all in (5 more of which I’m supposed to be working.)  Why do I do this to myself??  Argh!

Bad Habit #2. Failure to plan ahead….Flying by the seat of your pants is closely related to procrastination. It’s like procrastination’s fraternal twin, and they are both ugly suckers.  I did an analysis of my last 30 days expenditures and what did I discover?? I have gobbled up a whopping 12% of my total income by eating out. That’s grabbing a Starbucks occasionally, snaking through the fast-food line at lunch, and ordering up something really yummy for dinner when I could really PLAN AHEAD.  Do a little strategic grocery shopping. Cook (duh!). Brew my own coffee. Take my lunch to work.  What a novel idea!! I could still have an appetizer and drinks with my friends sometimes, but all this last minute, “I’M STARVING and didn’t plan ahead so I’d have something to eat” has really put a hole in my pocketbook.  Listen, when my blood sugar drops I turn into Attilla the Hun and I’ve really got to eat something to cram that monster back in it’s box. It’s ridiculous! I know this. I totally need to stick some trail mix in my desk and be prepared!

Bad Habit #3.  Laziness….Lack of physical exercise is making me feel like crap-ola. I have a zillion excuses about why I can’t exercise.  Some of them have a slight bit of merit (you know, asthma that’s not asthma but something undefined), but mostly I’m just lazy.  Bad Habit #1 and Bad Habit #2 also come into play here, but it boils down to pure laziness. I need to get my a$$ up out of the bed an hour early and go walk the dog, take a jog in the evening, walk around campus, use the freakin’ stairs.  I know I’ll feel better if I do. I just have to DO IT!!

There, I have admitted my bad habits to the world.  I’m counting on shame, mortification and peer pressure to motivate me to make a change.  Will you please help hold me accountable? Don’t procrastinate - do it now!