I'm not just getting fat....

So being knocked up at 40 is a bit intimidating.  We had hoped it would happen a couple years ago because 37 or 38 seems a lot younger than 40, but there it is.  It didn’t happen then and I really had gotten used to the thought that it wouldn’t.  I was sort of planning a ski trip this winter (well, they can ski, I’d shop, sightsee and drink hot cocoa), and toying with a scuba diving excursion this fall or early spring.  Those plans have gone right out the window, right along with our sanity. 

My boys are 16 and 12 respectively, and that’s a long time in between siblings, not to mention a long time since I changed a diaper, had to get up every couple of hours to nurse a baby, deal with bottles, diaper bags, teething rings, belly gas, spit up, stepping on toys and all that jazz.  Derek’s never done it, so we’re both in for a bit of a shocker.  The kids’ reactions were priceless.  I got a, “holy shit, mom….oh, uh, sorry…wow” from my 12 year old, Nigel, followed by an incoherent “uhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhh, hmmmmmmmm, uh, that’s great, Mom” from my 16 year old son, Jacob.  Nigel then told me he would teach him how to skateboard “really good.”  When pointed out his brother might actually be a sister, he said he’d teach her anyway and he was happy about it.  He was all grins as he was sheepishly and tenderly handling the ultrasound pictures.

The ultrasound we had on Tuesday really made this pregnancy real for us.  A picture is worth a thousand words, especially a moving picture showing a strong heartbeat, arms and legs and hands and feet, tiny little eyes and a great big head.  An ultrasound really is a miracle of science.  I kind of half believed this was true until I saw that little baby in making with my own two eyes.  It’s still amazing at 40. I’m glad I’m not that jaded, yet.

Everything is looking great. So far, so good!  I’m 13 weeks along and Baby Conrad, whom we have dubbed “the pickle”, will make his or her appearance sometime around April 6, 2012. I haven’t had any morning sickness; only some slight 4pm nausea, and I’m tired and draggy, but otherwise I feel fine.  I miss wine and sushi. My Weight Watchers/dieting is on hold for now, so don't think I'm just getting fat. I'm getting fat for a reason!

   

   

Hungry, yet?

I have successfully completed two whole days of Weight Watchers, and I haven’t killed anyone, yet.  I also haven’t lost any pounds. I’m ravenously hungry, grumpy, irritable and short-tempered.  I know - with my brain - that losing weight is going to be good for me, will make me feel better in the long run, and hopefully counter-act some health issues that have recently reared their ugly heads.  My heart, on the other hand, which is directly connected to my tummy, is dissatisfied, sad and depressed. And did I mention I’m hungry?

I can see that the WW point system has great potential. It’s exactly like the strict budgeting which I’ve also introduced to my checking account in the last month. (So far so good!) When the points (dollars) are gone, they’re gone. No borrowing against future points, no credit cards to tide you over ‘til next payday.  I can exercise/work overtime to earn extra points if I’m feeling the need to splurge. God, I’m starving!!

How do skinny people do it? How do rich people do it? I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. It’s all consuming (no pun intended), and distracting and so absurd that I’ve become a slave to my rumbling guts and jingling change purse.  It’s like the old cartoons where the hungry person/dog/lion sees nothing but chicken legs and cheese wedges when he looks at other characters. It’s like the pauper who stares into the shop windows – coveting – drooling… knowing that he can never have his heart’s desire.

This leads me to ask, once I reach my weight loss/debt free goals, will it truly have made me healthier, stronger and happier?  Is this misery worth it? Am I battling the many headed hydra, whose chopped-off heads will grow back three fold?  In other words, am I just making matters worse by trying so hard to make them better? 

Wish me luck, strong will-power, and a points free Reece's Cup real soon.  I'll let you know when I finally zip the back of that little black dress!