Hungry, yet?

I have successfully completed two whole days of Weight Watchers, and I haven’t killed anyone, yet.  I also haven’t lost any pounds. I’m ravenously hungry, grumpy, irritable and short-tempered.  I know - with my brain - that losing weight is going to be good for me, will make me feel better in the long run, and hopefully counter-act some health issues that have recently reared their ugly heads.  My heart, on the other hand, which is directly connected to my tummy, is dissatisfied, sad and depressed. And did I mention I’m hungry?

I can see that the WW point system has great potential. It’s exactly like the strict budgeting which I’ve also introduced to my checking account in the last month. (So far so good!) When the points (dollars) are gone, they’re gone. No borrowing against future points, no credit cards to tide you over ‘til next payday.  I can exercise/work overtime to earn extra points if I’m feeling the need to splurge. God, I’m starving!!

How do skinny people do it? How do rich people do it? I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. It’s all consuming (no pun intended), and distracting and so absurd that I’ve become a slave to my rumbling guts and jingling change purse.  It’s like the old cartoons where the hungry person/dog/lion sees nothing but chicken legs and cheese wedges when he looks at other characters. It’s like the pauper who stares into the shop windows – coveting – drooling… knowing that he can never have his heart’s desire.

This leads me to ask, once I reach my weight loss/debt free goals, will it truly have made me healthier, stronger and happier?  Is this misery worth it? Am I battling the many headed hydra, whose chopped-off heads will grow back three fold?  In other words, am I just making matters worse by trying so hard to make them better? 

Wish me luck, strong will-power, and a points free Reece's Cup real soon.  I'll let you know when I finally zip the back of that little black dress!

Things that make me say @!%)03$1!**@#!

Ok, so I am cussing an awful lot today. I’m really a big, sweet, cuddly teddy bear most days, so why is it that everything is pissing me off right now?? Is it me, or is it them?

As part of my job I have to do a good bit of event planning. I develop the invitation list, create the invitations, mail them out, record the RSVP message on the voice mail, reserve the venue, plan the menu, keep a headcount, firm up the quantity of food with the caterer, do the powerpoint presentation as well as get all the internal people there that need to be there.  It’s a stressful undertaking, because I care about my job and like every party-planner throughout the history of time, I worry about whether anyone will show up, or that gobs of people wills show up and we won’t have enough food. 

The operative word here is RSVP which is plainly printed in black and white on the cute little invitation I mailed out three weeks in advance of the event.  How is it then, when I send out 60 invitations asking for a response of “Yes, I’l be there,” or “F*^%-Off, no I won’t,” I get nothing but crickets chirping?  What have I got to do then?? I call every freaking one of these rude-a$$ people on the phone and ask in my sweetest voice, “Are you coming?”  It’s very irritating and frustrating, especially when I very nicely asked for them to just let me know. I even gave them my e-mail address in case they didn’t want to exercise their dialing skills or voice boxes. This is not rocket-science, people!

And another thing, I have a massive schedule to keep track of. My boss is one he!! of a busy lady, and her calendar is a huge puzzle that changes all the time.  Why then, crazy colleague, would you call or email me and ask for 15 times in the next month she’s available?  By the time I’ve identified them all, they’ve all changed! I can’t reserve all the times she’s available in the next month just for you! And I wouldn’t even if I could.  Any half-wit can learn to use Outlook’s scheduling function. It’s integrated right into your calendar and even if you don’t have view permissions to see my boss’s calendar, you can still plan a meeting because you can see when she’s available. Then invite her along with all the other people whose calendars are in Outlook. I’ll accept on her behalf and Viola’, you’ve just scheduled a meeting!  Don’t whine and tell me “I don’t know how”, or my personal favorite “nobody trained me how to do that.” Take some initiative! Ask someone! Figure it out! Sheez!

And another thing, it’s hotter than HE!! outside, like 101 degrees and 97% humidity. Why is it that we have to wear clothes to work? Why can’t we come naked or barely clothed? Why can’t we wear flip-flops, shorts, tube tops or spaghetti straps? I’m so hot from my lunch hour run that my bra is wet and sweat is trickling between my boobs.  Reckon being hot has anything to do with my ill temper??

Somebody pass me a popsicle!  Get out from in from of the fan so it can blow on me!  Sheez!

If I were INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, I would….

There is nothing like a few vacation days off from work to make you appreciate the value of free time.  I love, love, love time off from work.  A home stay-cation over the 4^th of July is just what I needed. The slower pace, the relaxation, fun with friends and family,  reconnection with Derek, Nigel & Jacob, home-cooked meals; they are all a little slice of heaven. I sure do miss being home now that I’m back at work.  My stay-cation makes me realize that I just don’t like working. Having to get up at the crack of dawn, shower, fix my hair, get all dressed, drive to work, work, drive home and then fit all the good stuff in about 3 hours of the day before bedtime just isn’t enough for me.  I want more. I want to become independently wealthy like all those home investors on the Carlton Sheets infomercial.  And I only want to do what I WANT TO DO!

There are a few ways to go about this. I could hit the lottery jackpot, join Carlton Sheets for $199.95 and make my fortune in the real estate market (RIIIGGGHHTT…), slip and fall at Wal-Mart and sue for a bazillion bucks, rob a bank, invent something super-duper fabulous that nobody ever thought of before….I could go on and on with the hair-brained schemes, but in reality not one of them is fool-proof (or if it is, it’s not legal). Dang it, I was really having fun planning the next big Ponze Scheme.

If I were RICH (i.e. don’t have to worry a bit over money. Like, have so much I could never spend it all…) I would do the following:

1. PROTECT AND INVEST. Gotta make sure the future generations will all be fabulously, independently wealthy, too.

2. THE BOOK STORE. Open a coffee house/wine store/used & new book store and spend my days happily sipping joe (a.m.) or wine (p.m.) and discussing the merits of both along with my favorite read of the week with all my friends, clients and customers who come visit my awesome-fabulous-bookstore. I’d have book club discussions every day, great writers would come visit, speak and sign their books, we’d be the “IT” place for the ladies (and gentlemen) to meet and have a glass or two of wine with friends, clients would get great book recommendations, not pay exorbitant prices for books (i.e. cheap), and I’d be the super-star. Of course, I’d hire somebody to do all the work, but that would be my special place and I just know I’d love it. My hours: 10-2 and 7-10 daily, except when the husband’s and kids’ schedules conflict with sports and other fun stuff.  I can totally smell the coffee & cookies (and old leather bindings) right now.

3. DIVING. When I’m not at the bookstore, I’d be spending time with my husband and kids in fabulous locales around the world, pursing the perfect scuba-diving location.  I’d study coral, fishes and sea creatures and be an ocean environmental activist (I use that term loosely, as I’m not really the ACTIVIST TYPE, but would promote and financially support research and conservation efforts to preserve and protect the ocean.)

4. CHARITY WORK. My charities would be the Humane Society or other animal protection group, the American Cancer Society or other health research groups, and something like Habitat for Humanity to help under-privileged people live better lives. I’d be a foster mother for stray dogs/puppies and probably have a whole pack of dogs that I couldn’t part with.  Of course, they’d all be perfectly well behaved and groomed at all times.  And like cats (not to eat, but to play with). And like kids. And not bark at everything.

5. PAMPER MYSELF. Well, really – who wouldn’t?  I want a personal trainer to whip me into shape, someone to plan and shop for meals, (I’ll do the cooking, I like that part), clean my house, mow my yard, make pretty flowers grow, and give me a pedicure once a week. I know…I want an “Alice” like on the Brady Bunch. Plus a yard man/pool boy/gardener who knows how to grow good veggies.  He should be like the Dog Whisperer only better looking.

Hey, this is my fantasy. Don’t judge me too much on my self-absorbed dreams. I realize this isn’t going to pan out, but I am buying a lottery ticket for tonight. When I win, y’all know exactly where to find me. J