The homebuyer’s dilemma…. Do you listen to your heart or your head?

No doubt you have read Thomas Jefferson’s “Dialogue Between My Head and My Heart.”  If not, I highly recommend it to you.  The battle between my heart and my head is constantly waging. I am always torn between what I want with my heart and what I think I should want with my brain. They almost never agree! Why is that? Am I the only one who feels this constant conflict?

While Jefferson’s essay doesn’t address house hunting directly, the conflicts between practicality and emotion certainly come into play when searching for the perfect home for your family.  Derek and I are in the homebuyer’s market after struggling for so long to sell our house. We have decided to scrap selling and focus on renting it. The rental company swears they have renters beating down the doors for houses like ours.  I sure hope they are. Bring on the tenants!

Before we began our home search, we made a list of all the things we must have in a new home, like the number of bedrooms and bathrooms, a choice of good school districts, an active community with plenty children in it,  room for a home office, and a back door our tripod dog can get in and out of.  We also listed the things we would like (and not like), like a master bedroom on the main floor, no popcorn ceilings, a spot on a cul-de-sac, 9 foot ceilings, a fenced back yard and those sorts of things.  Not surprisingly, when we put our “must have” criteria along side our “sure would like” criteria, we came up with “your search returned no results.”  Thence the compromises began. The “what-if”s and “how can we make this work”s began.

You’d think that by carefully weighing the pros and cons, calculating the costs, measuring rooms and door frames and carefully analyzing our lifestyle to determine the best type of home to seek when house hunting, we should come out on the finishing end as happy and financially savvy homeowners.  But what happens when you fall in love at first sight with a house that doesn’t meet all the checklist critera?  Do you throw all that calculating and planning to the wind and go with your heart?  Isn’t the feel of a home so much more than the practicality of the floor plan? Is it possible to strike a balance or create a win/win between your heart and your mind in terms of the perfect home for your family?

Out of 20 something houses I’ve looked at in the past couple of days, we have 3 possibilities.  The most practical house, house #1, has everything we “need” and the price is right. The number of bedrooms is right. The floor plan fits how we live. The back yard is fenced and flat and there are no real steps.  It’s on the end of a cul-de sac next to some tennis courts.  Sure the master bedroom is upstairs, but we’re only 40. It’s not like we can’t climb steps to go to bed or change clothes. I mean really, we need the exercise!  But you know what, I don’t love it.  It’s blah. It’s cookie cutter and doesn’t feel like my home. It’s vanilla. It’s like 40 other houses out there. It just doesn’t have a personality of its own.

The 2^nd house is in a great established neighborhood, but it’s older. It’s a saltbox with a more traditional type floor plan. But guess what?  The cabinets are real wood. There’s a real wood burning fireplace. There are built in book-cases and a nice, big pretty multi-paned window looking over the back yard.  It has some nice updates like granite countertops and fresh paint. It has the spaces we need to live, but they aren’t configured optimally. The yard can be fenced and the 3-legged dog can manage going in and out. The price is still in range and the schools are the same as house #1.  My heart likes #2 much better than #1, but it just wants to “be friends.”  My heart is not in love.    

Ahh, house #3, how do I love thee? Let me compare thee to a treehouse in the woods. Though art beautiful and spacious and you have walls of glass. You have stunning wood floors, your kitchen is a dream with all the pretty and numerous cabinets. You even have a vintage lit and mirrored liquor cabinet hidden behind your doors. You have a fireplace in the dining area and a deck under the trees.  Derek’s office is surrounded by three walls of glass, right next to the kitchen.  Our custom farm table will grace your dining room awesomely. How beautiful will fall be when the leaves turn colors, what if it snows! The views from every room are stunning and homey. House #3, you have inspired me to poetry.

But wait, says the brain….House #3, you are missing a bedroom, you don’t have an attached garage and momma will need to carry her groceries in the rain. You cost about 30% higher than our budget planned for. Your master bathroom is a torn up mess with shower tiles falling off the walls and reeking of mildew.   There’s rot in the eaves and your yard is a wild jungle. If that creek along the back rises, you could get flood damage. What about snakes? What about the power bill with walls of glass. Won’t it be cold in the winter?  How much IS that gas bill in the winter?  Can’t people see you from outside in your house of glass? How would you make it to the dryer in the basement for fresh undies if you jump out of the shower and there are none in your drawers. Think girl! That house is not for you!!

So why do I feel so disappointed right now?  I’m conflicted and I know, I know, I know with my brain that house #3 is not for us. Why don’t I want to jump all over house #1? It’s perfect on paper! Why can’t my heart fall in love with it, too? It would make this all so much easier.

If I were INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, I would….

There is nothing like a few vacation days off from work to make you appreciate the value of free time.  I love, love, love time off from work.  A home stay-cation over the 4^th of July is just what I needed. The slower pace, the relaxation, fun with friends and family,  reconnection with Derek, Nigel & Jacob, home-cooked meals; they are all a little slice of heaven. I sure do miss being home now that I’m back at work.  My stay-cation makes me realize that I just don’t like working. Having to get up at the crack of dawn, shower, fix my hair, get all dressed, drive to work, work, drive home and then fit all the good stuff in about 3 hours of the day before bedtime just isn’t enough for me.  I want more. I want to become independently wealthy like all those home investors on the Carlton Sheets infomercial.  And I only want to do what I WANT TO DO!

There are a few ways to go about this. I could hit the lottery jackpot, join Carlton Sheets for $199.95 and make my fortune in the real estate market (RIIIGGGHHTT…), slip and fall at Wal-Mart and sue for a bazillion bucks, rob a bank, invent something super-duper fabulous that nobody ever thought of before….I could go on and on with the hair-brained schemes, but in reality not one of them is fool-proof (or if it is, it’s not legal). Dang it, I was really having fun planning the next big Ponze Scheme.

If I were RICH (i.e. don’t have to worry a bit over money. Like, have so much I could never spend it all…) I would do the following:

1. PROTECT AND INVEST. Gotta make sure the future generations will all be fabulously, independently wealthy, too.

2. THE BOOK STORE. Open a coffee house/wine store/used & new book store and spend my days happily sipping joe (a.m.) or wine (p.m.) and discussing the merits of both along with my favorite read of the week with all my friends, clients and customers who come visit my awesome-fabulous-bookstore. I’d have book club discussions every day, great writers would come visit, speak and sign their books, we’d be the “IT” place for the ladies (and gentlemen) to meet and have a glass or two of wine with friends, clients would get great book recommendations, not pay exorbitant prices for books (i.e. cheap), and I’d be the super-star. Of course, I’d hire somebody to do all the work, but that would be my special place and I just know I’d love it. My hours: 10-2 and 7-10 daily, except when the husband’s and kids’ schedules conflict with sports and other fun stuff.  I can totally smell the coffee & cookies (and old leather bindings) right now.

3. DIVING. When I’m not at the bookstore, I’d be spending time with my husband and kids in fabulous locales around the world, pursing the perfect scuba-diving location.  I’d study coral, fishes and sea creatures and be an ocean environmental activist (I use that term loosely, as I’m not really the ACTIVIST TYPE, but would promote and financially support research and conservation efforts to preserve and protect the ocean.)

4. CHARITY WORK. My charities would be the Humane Society or other animal protection group, the American Cancer Society or other health research groups, and something like Habitat for Humanity to help under-privileged people live better lives. I’d be a foster mother for stray dogs/puppies and probably have a whole pack of dogs that I couldn’t part with.  Of course, they’d all be perfectly well behaved and groomed at all times.  And like cats (not to eat, but to play with). And like kids. And not bark at everything.

5. PAMPER MYSELF. Well, really – who wouldn’t?  I want a personal trainer to whip me into shape, someone to plan and shop for meals, (I’ll do the cooking, I like that part), clean my house, mow my yard, make pretty flowers grow, and give me a pedicure once a week. I know…I want an “Alice” like on the Brady Bunch. Plus a yard man/pool boy/gardener who knows how to grow good veggies.  He should be like the Dog Whisperer only better looking.

Hey, this is my fantasy. Don’t judge me too much on my self-absorbed dreams. I realize this isn’t going to pan out, but I am buying a lottery ticket for tonight. When I win, y’all know exactly where to find me. J 

Life IS good!

Success is sweet and having a break finally come our way is like having candy, cake and cookies all at the same time - or an ice cream sundae with all the toppings and a little nut crunch. 

Since Derek and I were married a little over two years ago, we’ve had what I would call “more than our fair share of trials.” From my issues with child custody and a$$hole ex-husband, to Derek’s job moving to Denver where we couldn’t follow it, to trying to sell houses (his and mine) in this shitty depressed economy, to Derek working all week out of town and still with an hour and a half commute each way at a job he despised, to the accidental death of our dog, Sammie, last November.  We’ve weathered the storm pretty well, I’d like to think, and with this good news, I feel the tide finally turning in our favor. Knock on wood!

It hasn’t all been bad-far from it, in fact. But the struggles, setbacks and disappointments have hung over us like a big, fat albatross and I’ve just continuously waited for the next shoe to drop.  There is a huge pile of them (all ugly) and I sure hope they are done falling now.  A tremendous weight has been lifted and my outlook on the future is refreshed and re-energized.

We enjoyed a fantastic family dinner out tonight at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate. Both of my boys were with us, and we were all frolicsome and happy and have great big, full bellies.  Derek’s new job starts Monday and he’ll be home with us a lot more. While the #2 Big Item – the house – hasn’t sold yet, we don’t feel quite the same sense of displacement and uncertainty about the future. The urgency has dissipated. Poof! What a relief!   

The honeymoon ain’t over, yet, folks. We’ve got a lot more good stuff to look forward to. The next bright spot is right around the bend and I’m sure looking forward to it. 

FSBO and other abbreviations

This real estate market totally sucks. That statement is from my point of view as a Seller.  From a Buyer's point of view, this real estate market is pure gold (if you have a job and can qualify for a mortgage.)  We've had our house actively for sale since January 2010. Actively is the magic word, because it's really been longer than that.  We need to sell, otherwise we wouldn't even be trying right now. It's a "buyers market."

It's like smashing a round peg into a square hole, or banging your head against the wall.  "For Sale" in 2011 is synonymous with BIG FAT LOSS. No offers. A few showings, regular open houses where nobody comes except nosy neighbors, abject critcisim for my housekeeping abilities (granted, they do have a small point there, but really - who vacuums walls anyway?)  Our baseboards are sometimes furry because we live there and we really love our pets. And kids. And friends.  Who wants to become a sterile, no-fun hermit for 18 months? Is that really what you have to do?

So, here is our house. We now have it FSBO. Fizzbo. (For Sale By Owner)  I made up some flyers using my amazing skills in Publisher and popped them in a info box that is bungee corded to the For Sale sign.

My remarkable marketing talents have earned us a showing tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. to some people who called on the phone.  I'm a little freaked out about this, because I've got total strangers coming to my house to look in all the cupboards and closets and find fault with my housekeeping. It's a lot worse than just leaving and hoping for the best. I have to witness it.  Also, what if they're axe murderers or serial killers preying on unsuspecting FBSOs. Should I have mace? A butcher knife? Use the buddy system? Sick the dog on them? That's probably not good salesmanship, but I digress...

Tomorrow night is also Book Club night which rocks. VLVBC. (That's Viva La Vino Book Club) because guess what??  We like to mix wine in with our discussion. As a group, we like WINE and not WHINE. Nobody likes that whiney female protagonist who can't make a decision. I'll give you a for instance. Bella. In Twilight. Ugh, hate her. 



Our selection this month is Little Bee by Chris Cleave. I gave it 5 stars.  This is my Goodreads review:

"I listened to Little Bee on audio recording. This is one of the most intellectually provocative, emotionally engaging, beautifully written novels I have ever read. The language was bright, vivid, beautiful. Perfection. For those who are squeamish about violence, beware, but know it is integral to the story."

And Laurie is serving African Wine! Wow! And we get to pick out our own "Little Bee" names. I think I'll be "Big Mean Dog", that way the strangers coming to the house beforehand won't be tempted to mess with me.  Think they'll make an offer?