I'm not just getting fat....

So being knocked up at 40 is a bit intimidating.  We had hoped it would happen a couple years ago because 37 or 38 seems a lot younger than 40, but there it is.  It didn’t happen then and I really had gotten used to the thought that it wouldn’t.  I was sort of planning a ski trip this winter (well, they can ski, I’d shop, sightsee and drink hot cocoa), and toying with a scuba diving excursion this fall or early spring.  Those plans have gone right out the window, right along with our sanity. 

My boys are 16 and 12 respectively, and that’s a long time in between siblings, not to mention a long time since I changed a diaper, had to get up every couple of hours to nurse a baby, deal with bottles, diaper bags, teething rings, belly gas, spit up, stepping on toys and all that jazz.  Derek’s never done it, so we’re both in for a bit of a shocker.  The kids’ reactions were priceless.  I got a, “holy shit, mom….oh, uh, sorry…wow” from my 12 year old, Nigel, followed by an incoherent “uhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhh, hmmmmmmmm, uh, that’s great, Mom” from my 16 year old son, Jacob.  Nigel then told me he would teach him how to skateboard “really good.”  When pointed out his brother might actually be a sister, he said he’d teach her anyway and he was happy about it.  He was all grins as he was sheepishly and tenderly handling the ultrasound pictures.

The ultrasound we had on Tuesday really made this pregnancy real for us.  A picture is worth a thousand words, especially a moving picture showing a strong heartbeat, arms and legs and hands and feet, tiny little eyes and a great big head.  An ultrasound really is a miracle of science.  I kind of half believed this was true until I saw that little baby in making with my own two eyes.  It’s still amazing at 40. I’m glad I’m not that jaded, yet.

Everything is looking great. So far, so good!  I’m 13 weeks along and Baby Conrad, whom we have dubbed “the pickle”, will make his or her appearance sometime around April 6, 2012. I haven’t had any morning sickness; only some slight 4pm nausea, and I’m tired and draggy, but otherwise I feel fine.  I miss wine and sushi. My Weight Watchers/dieting is on hold for now, so don't think I'm just getting fat. I'm getting fat for a reason!

   

   

The homebuyer’s dilemma…. Do you listen to your heart or your head?

No doubt you have read Thomas Jefferson’s “Dialogue Between My Head and My Heart.”  If not, I highly recommend it to you.  The battle between my heart and my head is constantly waging. I am always torn between what I want with my heart and what I think I should want with my brain. They almost never agree! Why is that? Am I the only one who feels this constant conflict?

While Jefferson’s essay doesn’t address house hunting directly, the conflicts between practicality and emotion certainly come into play when searching for the perfect home for your family.  Derek and I are in the homebuyer’s market after struggling for so long to sell our house. We have decided to scrap selling and focus on renting it. The rental company swears they have renters beating down the doors for houses like ours.  I sure hope they are. Bring on the tenants!

Before we began our home search, we made a list of all the things we must have in a new home, like the number of bedrooms and bathrooms, a choice of good school districts, an active community with plenty children in it,  room for a home office, and a back door our tripod dog can get in and out of.  We also listed the things we would like (and not like), like a master bedroom on the main floor, no popcorn ceilings, a spot on a cul-de-sac, 9 foot ceilings, a fenced back yard and those sorts of things.  Not surprisingly, when we put our “must have” criteria along side our “sure would like” criteria, we came up with “your search returned no results.”  Thence the compromises began. The “what-if”s and “how can we make this work”s began.

You’d think that by carefully weighing the pros and cons, calculating the costs, measuring rooms and door frames and carefully analyzing our lifestyle to determine the best type of home to seek when house hunting, we should come out on the finishing end as happy and financially savvy homeowners.  But what happens when you fall in love at first sight with a house that doesn’t meet all the checklist critera?  Do you throw all that calculating and planning to the wind and go with your heart?  Isn’t the feel of a home so much more than the practicality of the floor plan? Is it possible to strike a balance or create a win/win between your heart and your mind in terms of the perfect home for your family?

Out of 20 something houses I’ve looked at in the past couple of days, we have 3 possibilities.  The most practical house, house #1, has everything we “need” and the price is right. The number of bedrooms is right. The floor plan fits how we live. The back yard is fenced and flat and there are no real steps.  It’s on the end of a cul-de sac next to some tennis courts.  Sure the master bedroom is upstairs, but we’re only 40. It’s not like we can’t climb steps to go to bed or change clothes. I mean really, we need the exercise!  But you know what, I don’t love it.  It’s blah. It’s cookie cutter and doesn’t feel like my home. It’s vanilla. It’s like 40 other houses out there. It just doesn’t have a personality of its own.

The 2^nd house is in a great established neighborhood, but it’s older. It’s a saltbox with a more traditional type floor plan. But guess what?  The cabinets are real wood. There’s a real wood burning fireplace. There are built in book-cases and a nice, big pretty multi-paned window looking over the back yard.  It has some nice updates like granite countertops and fresh paint. It has the spaces we need to live, but they aren’t configured optimally. The yard can be fenced and the 3-legged dog can manage going in and out. The price is still in range and the schools are the same as house #1.  My heart likes #2 much better than #1, but it just wants to “be friends.”  My heart is not in love.    

Ahh, house #3, how do I love thee? Let me compare thee to a treehouse in the woods. Though art beautiful and spacious and you have walls of glass. You have stunning wood floors, your kitchen is a dream with all the pretty and numerous cabinets. You even have a vintage lit and mirrored liquor cabinet hidden behind your doors. You have a fireplace in the dining area and a deck under the trees.  Derek’s office is surrounded by three walls of glass, right next to the kitchen.  Our custom farm table will grace your dining room awesomely. How beautiful will fall be when the leaves turn colors, what if it snows! The views from every room are stunning and homey. House #3, you have inspired me to poetry.

But wait, says the brain….House #3, you are missing a bedroom, you don’t have an attached garage and momma will need to carry her groceries in the rain. You cost about 30% higher than our budget planned for. Your master bathroom is a torn up mess with shower tiles falling off the walls and reeking of mildew.   There’s rot in the eaves and your yard is a wild jungle. If that creek along the back rises, you could get flood damage. What about snakes? What about the power bill with walls of glass. Won’t it be cold in the winter?  How much IS that gas bill in the winter?  Can’t people see you from outside in your house of glass? How would you make it to the dryer in the basement for fresh undies if you jump out of the shower and there are none in your drawers. Think girl! That house is not for you!!

So why do I feel so disappointed right now?  I’m conflicted and I know, I know, I know with my brain that house #3 is not for us. Why don’t I want to jump all over house #1? It’s perfect on paper! Why can’t my heart fall in love with it, too? It would make this all so much easier.